They will judge me, but not harsher than I judge myself. But while they are judging, they will never know the story behind the story. Most rational adults do not make decisions absent of other factors. We all have family, circumstance and experience that play into these things. These are the things that the judgers will never know.
We all rationally know that we cannot care what others think. We know it should not bother us. But we do care. With the choices I have made recently, I know that I have let people down. People that count on me. These choices hurt, but they are mine and mine alone.
I made these choices to make my life better, not worse. They did not turn out that way. And sometimes things happen in the midst of choice that changes the course of everything. I am not sure if I have any long time readers out there, or anyone that has read the whole string of posts (all four of them.) But if you have, you may get where this is going.
I did not get to marry the job. Nor keep the job. Nor even remotely succeed at the job. In all fairness, it was not all me. The presentation of the job and the reality of the job had a mismatch but that is water under the bridge – so to speak. This choice has caused undue stress on me and others. I am sorry. I never meant for this to happen. It is harder to ask for your old job back that to find a new one.
I still made the choices and I will live with the ramifications of them all. But the point is that I tried. I was unhappy. I saw a chance to make a change. I took a risk. So judge away. Think what you will. All I know is that I would do it again if I thought I had a chance to make my life and the lives of others better.
So here is to the future. But more importantly to the now.