I have often confused physical proximity and shared experience for friendship. I wrongly felt that since I shared an experience, such as a trip or a series of classes (as an adult), with someone or spent a good deal of time with them that we may be friends. Not, I- will-tell-you-my-deepest-darkest-feelings-friends but let’s-grab-a-beer-of-a-coffee friends.
Well, things had not been so awesome for me as of late and I am looking to get a bit out of my rut and reach out to some of these folks. I know everyone is busy and may have their own stuff to deal with, but I feel lunch on a weekend, coffee or cocktail can’t hurt. Now these contacts have not been completely out of the blue, contact and conversation has been ongoing for some time.
I have always been a bit picky about friendship. I am more of a have a few good friends that are close rather than a horde of less close relationships kind of person. It takes a while for me to trust and accept friendship – not saying this is good or bad. Just saying the way it is.
I am also what I consider a habitually happy person. I have read book after book on happiness for my clinical understanding. I have enjoyed so much of my life. I have more than most. More friendship, prosperity, adventure, just about everything. Well we all know about ups and downs. Life has them. Can’t have one without the other.
Now that my days are a bit darker, I really understand clearly who my friends are. This has been an interesting and eye opening experience for me. Many people that cried on my shoulder over and over now will not respond to a phone call from me. Odd, I think. Also, as my coping skills are stretched I lose the ability to juggle a few of the balls that I have in the air.
I guess what I am trying to say is, if you have shown me your true spirit as a friend, and I am not too quick to return a phone call or a message, it might be time to consider your actions in the recent past. As my cope cup fills, I lack the ability to take care of everything. Please do not try to get my attention in a passive aggressive manner; it will do you no good. If you are not my boss, Jonny Law or the Grim Reaper, you may just have to wait until I get my wits back before I can respond to you.