The Abyss

So all along Mom has been very practical about her death. She has made lists, gave up passwords, planned for cremation – taken care of everything preparing for the inevitable.

Cancer seems to be like a horrible horrible way to go. I have not been around maybe people during their last days so I may not have great perspective. I am not understanding when it is said that someone went peacefully. That does not seem to be what is happening.

I am confused now. This woman that was so prepared and so practical now seems to be staring into the abyss and wants to turn and run away. She is downright scared now. Who wouldn’t be? Dying really has to be the most stressful event – what could be more stressful? I mean this really is it.

And I don’t know how much time we have and how long this may go on for. It is like she looked at the edge of darkness and now wants to come back. I do not expect anyone to ever want to die and I really do not want to lose her (although it feels much like I already have) but I wish I could do something to calm the fears.

4 thoughts on “The Abyss

  1. sorry to hear about your mom and the difficulties of dealing with someone dying from cancer. My dad has been dealing with melanoma for several years and it has recently progressed to stage 4. It is a horrible disease.

  2. birdpond says:

    It is so hard – I lost my own Mom to cancer. In her case it was very fast and unexpected (for me at least). You will hurt and be changed. You never get over it, but, eventually, with work, with care, you will find your equilibrium again. You will always love her, and always miss her. We have only just ‘met’ (here) but – Sincere prayers to you and your family . . . .

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