This Is It

Mom is “transitioning” that is what the hospice calls it. I am not sure she know me all the time and she seems to have had some nice visits with her mother, her aunt and Uncle Charlie yesterday. She did tell me that she was going on a trip – it is a short flight. I agreed with her.  She did say she had more baggage than she can carry. 

My dad took a call from one of her steadfast friends offering to bring him dinner. Dad politely passed and hung up the phone. I asked him nicely to call back and accept. He was not getting me – said he did not want ribs. Dad, this is it. You need to let Lisa come see her one last time. One time. Only for a minute. Under the guise of bringing you something. This is not about ribs. No so much about you but about old friends. You need to let her do this.

Dad called back. Lisa did generously bring ribs for my dad’s dinner. She took a minute to quietly say good bye to Mom and left, not wanting to intrude. It is hard to be able to see outside when you are in the muck. Dealing with the pain and fear that he must be dealing with but others need to have there peace as well. It is time to let mom to go. That is hard to say, but it is time.

I know that I am selfish. Every morning my dad sends me a text message full of hope. She wants to go to the grocery store or she called him. He thinks today was better than yesterday. My heart breaks with each message of hope during a hopeless time. It is almost like he can’t comprehend that she is going to go. I never expected to lose a parent this early and I think it is too soon. I miss the crap out of her and she is not even gone yet. I am not ready either but I can’t see her like this. I hurts so bad to see him like this.

4 thoughts on “This Is It

  1. So sorry for the pain your family is going through, and wishing your mom a peaceful transition.

  2. I think that you writing about your thoughts and feelings is perfectly normal, and no, you are not a horrible person.

  3. There’s a time and place to be selfish, and this is one of them. She’s your Mother, not mine, not Tom Dick or Harry’s either! She’s yours, be selfish.

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